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Pets are awesome especially when you live alone. Alone with you and your Bipolar disorder. I have a dog and a cat that keep me up and moving. I go through phases where I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. So I talk to my dog and I swear she understands. It’s a lonely disease. You never know what each day has to offer and some days I could care less. Having pets though forces me to get up and function everyday. My pets depend on me for everything and that’s what keeps me going. I also have two adult children that I keep focused on. I’ve got to have a reason to live when I  am feeling down, I think of them and what I would do to them if I ever decided to take my life. I don’t think about it often but on several occasion I would plan on how I would do it, the unthinkable. The selfishness and heartache I would cause. I would ruin their lives. They have already lost their father. The need me and I feel needed. That is so crucial to feel needed and wanted. I don’t work anymore due to my illness. I am isolated most of the time. It’s not easy for me to get up and out the door. Where would I go and who would I see. That’s a problem. I have lost nearly all my friends yet my family always sticks by me and I am so grateful for every friend and family member. I feel like I have to act “normal” whatever that is, but I feel like I a pretending to be ok. On the inside I am not ok. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety no matter who I am around or what I am doing. My life is like riding on this roller coaster every single day. And it’s not fun anymore. I have been on this roller coaster all my life. I scream to get off but nobody hears me and nobody can help me.

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