Unless you have Bipolar you won’t understand what everyday life is like. Each day is a new adventure of some sort and not the good kind of adventure. I have not been able to work for almost 10 years now. I used to have to work with the public and as my disease progressed I could no longer perform my duties. Even with taking medication Bipolar does get worse. Dealing with the rude public was my downfall and I knew that I couldn’t hold it together any longer. A few years after I quit my job I decided to apply for SSDI. It was fairly easy for me to qualify because I have other issues as well.
It’s a very lonely disease. It’s hard for me to understand and I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone else too either. When I lost my job I lost much more than that. My social life is almost nonexistent. A couple of friends that I do have share the same illness and therefore makes it easy to relate. So I a grateful for my Bipolar buddies.
Most days I am alone. I go for days without talking to anyone and when I am really sick I don’t get out of bed for days at a time. Thank goodness for my animals that depend on me. That’s the only thing that gets me up and moving.
I feel a sense of abandonment most of the time although I know my family is always there to offer whatever it is that I need. I have a tough time asking for help. I would rather suffer because my self-esteem is so low at times I feel that I don’t deserve the help.
Because Bipolar is like riding on a roller coaster, I get sick and need to get off but no cue as to how. The medications are supposed to make me feel better but still sometimes I get into a really dark place and start thinking about suicide again. I have suicidal thoughts fairly often but only acted on the idea a couple of times. I know what I need to do to feel better. It’s a matter of taking a step in the right direction and ask for help.