I know because I’m on disability and I am for the most part, disconnected from the world at times. Not even social media can bring me out. As a matter of fact, social media makes me sicker at times. I’m basically referring to Facebook. I don’t know what is real and what is made up. Seeing families doing fun things together, vacationing and everyday fun stuff. Fun stuff away from home. Picnics, fairs, amusement parks. One girl I talked to said for her it’s all fake smiles for the camera. I found that to be interesting and wondered how many other of those families are really that happy and having so much fun. Just a number of things come to mind. I always have way to many thoughts running around in my head. Sometime Klonopin helps.

I am not by any means feeling sorry for myself. Many things I just can’t do anymore and it makes me sad. Physically I am capable of doing many things but I have very few friends and it’s difficult for me to make plans and stick with it. I have so much anxiety along with depression this time of year especially. So I am definitely disconnected. The best I can do sometimes is to text. I never answer the phone unless I know who it is and then at times I don’t bother to even see who is calling. I feel like I have to pretend I’m ok so the person on the other end will feel better. I’m tired of pretending. Love me or leave me alone.