Bipolar 1 disorder, once known as manic depression is a severe mental illness with intensity for out of control mood swings with the other side being severe depression.

Some of the symptoms of mania are:

  • Grandiosity
  • Diminished need for sleep
  • Excessive talking
  • Pressured speech
  • Racing thoughts or flight of ideas
  • Clear evidence of distraction
  • Increased level of objective focused activity at home, work or sexually
  • Excessive gratifying activities often with painful consequences

People are most frequently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when they have a manic episode that results in hospitalization. That is exactly how I was diagnosed 15 years ago. I had about a 2 week stay in a hospital I had never been to in a city I never visited. I was taken by ambulance. I had no idea where I was. No family around. I was in another state. It was horrible. My ignorant ass of a husband came to visit once. Needless to say, it was right when I got out of the hospital I filed for divorce. He didn’t care about me and at the time, I didn’t care about me either. But I certainly do today. I am happy even with the disease. I work around it when I can and looking forward to better days, weeks and years although I do try to focus on just today.

I would say that I am manic more often than not. The ideas in my head are nonstop jumbled mess at times. I am either manic or depressed. It seems there is no in between. There are 4 types of Bipolar. Bipolar 1, Bipolar 2, Cyclothymia (less severe form of Bipolar), Bipolar not otherwise specified. I’ll get to those in another blog.

Right now mania is screaming at me to do something. But what? I always have a project I am working on either physically or mentally. My thoughts are always racing whether it is a new project or I’m trying to fix a problem that isn’t mine to fix. I’ve probably painted every room in my house at least 3 times and planning on painting again real soon. I bought the paint last summer but didn’t get the chance to paint. I love change and that’s why I do it. I’m not a freak, it’s cheaper than redecorating the entire house. What an accomplishment is and be able to enjoy all my efforts to make change in my little world. This year I am going to work extra hard to expand my circle. I’ll steal the line “circle of trust” because I have gotten mixed up with the wrong people on the dating sites. I have been harmed by one person who physically groped me. The potential of emotional abuse absolutely exists. Mind games I’ll call them. It puts me on that roller coaster of failure that I don’t deserve. I think with me, I may be too open and friendly and all of the sudden I’m somewhere I don’t want to be. I have lots of stories to tell.

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