I bought two new bed pillows today which is something I never think

about when I go shopping. I threw out seven that no longer served the purpose of having a good night sleep. It’s not easy replacing pillows. You don’t know how it is going to feel when you lay your head down. I wanted to get a “My Pillow” but couldn’t see spending $50 on each. Ha ha. I went through the eight pillows I had on my bed and discarded all but one. I have two new pillows and one faithful pillow that has seen me through many sleepless nights. Oh ya, and my body pillow. Ole faithful. So as I get my pillows ready and pull back the covers and brush off the cracker crumbs, peanut shells and I really don’t know how they got there because I have not slept under the covers since getting my new soft and beautiful blanket for Christmas. The time flies. I don’t eat in bed but maybe my dog sneaks food in when I am sleeping. Sleep has become a problem for me so I thought I’d start with new pillows. I take medication at night to help me sleep but when I am in a manic state I may not sleep at all.

My house guests have moved out after a five month stay and I was so sad yesterday I stayed in bed and cried. I should be happy to have my freedom and home to myself again and I will be in time. Living alone with me and my illness leaves so much time to think and hash over whatever it is I come up with and my mind never stops. Things I think I have done wrong or hurt someone I care about or things I want to do but know I probably can’t. It is a very lonely life and trying to fit in is difficult for me. I don’t know where I fit or even how I fit into society at times since being on disability. I’m socially stunted because I tend to be shy and I feelawkward. Which means that I have a difficult time understanding other people and am uneasy in “social ” situations. Socially stunted. Social skills develop as you grow up. Bummer because I never completely feel like I have matured in a manner suitable to being on my own. I do it though. I manage.

I had no idea while growing up that I had something seriously wrong with me. I knew that I felt I didn’t belong. Anywhere. As much as I tried to fit in I remember “friends” talking about me behind my back. Shame on them. They know who they are and I would never put them in my life in any situation. They were fake friends. It’s not until I got older that I realized any of this. I’m a good person and don’t deserve what these low classed students put me through. I always thought I had best friends but I didn’t. I was deliberately hurt and pretty much pushed aside. I had friends. Friends that may have kept me at a distance but nevertheless were friends of mine. And I thank everyone of you for teaching me how not to behave.

Impaired social functioning is common among youth with bipolar disorder (BD), emerges in multiple settings, and persists over time. However, little is known about factors associated with poor peer and family functioning in the early-onset form of BD. Using a sample of adolescents with BD I or II, we examined which symptoms of BD, including non-specific symptoms such as inattention, aggression, and anxiety/depression, are associated with family functioning (adaptability, cohesion, and conflict) and peer relationship quality.

It is being increasingly recognized that bipolar disorder often has its onset in adolescence or early adulthood. First affective symptoms appear in early teenage, and even in preadolescence. There is a growing interest, with little consensus, in the affective and behavioral symptomatology in childhood and adolescence preceding the first onset of a clearly diagnosable bipolar disorder. There is a significant time-lag between the onset of the illness and first treatment. This may put patients at risk of increased morbidity, including  effects on personality, school, work and social functioning. There is growing evidence in the schizophrenia literature that this time-lag may predict a poorer response to treatment. Although there is no clear evidence of this in bipolar disorder, this issue should be borne in mind

Early onset is often defined as occurring before the age of 25. The younger the age of onset of bipolar disorder, the more likely it is to find a significant family history of the condition. Early onset bipolar disorder most commonly begins with depression and there may be many episodes of depression before the first hypomania. Depression with psychotic features may be a predictor of future full-blown bipolar disorder in the early onset group. Akiskal (1995) has argued that syndromal dysthymia with its onset in childhood, particularly in the presence of a family history of bipolar disorder, may herald a bipolar disorder. Rapid cycling, mixed states, and psychotic features are more common in early onset conditions. The presence of early onset substance abuse should raise one’s suspicions about bipolar disorder.