I have a new friend. I have not had many friends in years. I’m not looking for sympathy just saying because of my bipolar it’s difficult to meet and keep friends. (That’s typical of the disease of bipolar disorder.) Her name is Vonda and I actually met her about 20 years ago when my daughter was in cheerleading. She has similar characteristics as I and we just clicked. We first became friends some months back on Facebook of all places.
I was sitting at my computer the other day and glanced up at a tree and thought of her.That tree is a strong beautiful Oak tree that has no leaves. It is winter here yet that tree speaks to me. It’s still alive just waiting to show itself in the Spring. It is standing strong all alone waiting for the new leaves to come. Spring is almost here. My friend is that strong Oak tree that gives me hope. Another beginning.
My life has new meaning with her in it. I never imagined that I would find someone that is going through the same things that I am. It feels so good to have a friend to share my life with, no judgement, no conditions. I look forward to doing fun things especially since Spring is not so far away. We both have adult children that give us reason to focus on ourselves. I trust her with all my heart. There is only one other person in my life that knows, that really knows what it’s like to have a mental illness namely Bipolar disorder. We both have other illnesses that run along with the Bipolar.
I am no longer ashamed to say that I have a mental illness. It is not a death sentence. It is an oportunity to grow and share in the trials we have endured. We no longer have to go it alone. We understand each other and know that we can trust each other with our pains that I know are ahead of us. One day at a time is all we can endure. This tree represents my friend. She is strong, faithful, and someone I am proud to know. I look forward to many good times together and share the bad times together as well. We are a team. We are alike and we will survive whatever comes our way together. I want her to know that I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
I feel that life is just speeding by and I have wasted so many days feeling poorly, depressed and sometimes anxious and not able to get out of bed some days. Recognizing and doing something about it is always a milestone for me.There is never a pinpoint to any situation for me. It’s a cluster of feelings and emotions that are difficult to define. It’s like playing ping pong in my head. Sometimes I just want to stop playing altogether. Game over. But because I have two adult children the game must go on. Maybe I’ll try a new game. One that I enjoy and am good at. Finding it will be the fun. I look forward to better days ahead. Winter always takes a part of me and burries it so deep that I have to dig to make myself out to become whole again. And the seasons of life continues.
I don’t have much to say about my estranged husband except I wish my divorce had gone through but you first have to locate a person before you can divorce them. I mentioned this because it’s been going on three years since he left and I need closure. Most of the time I don’t think about him. My bipolar symptoms get worse when I do so I try not to think too far ahead. He is a drug addict and is seriously ill. I pray he gets help so we can finish up our business. I should start a “go fund me” page so I can afford to get this over with. Getting a divorce can be costly especially when the other party doesn’t show up for court dates. I want that chapter of my life to close. I had mentioned in a previous post how I am wishing my life away. I am really just wishing to move on without the animosity that goes with being abandoned and financially strapped.
So today is a new day and wish for myself that it is a productive one.