No matter how much I love my kids, I can never make them love me more than they do now. It is what it is. They will go on with their lives as they should but not to forget how they were brought into this world. They may never understand the love that a mother has for her children until they have children of their own. It’s a blessed moment you will charish for a life time. Nothing should break that bond.
How do you detach from your children? You did your best to raise them and of course you want them to be happy and successful but slowly they slip away into their own world and don’t always take you with them. No thoughts, no phone calls, no text messages and no friending on facebook, no social media etc. Some just want their privacy and completely shut you out of their lives. It hurts. You can’t ask questions or you’re prying or judging which really isn’t true. You love them with all your heart and then it gets broken maybe beyond repair because you are tired of being hurt by the peole in this world that you love the most, your children.
A simple phone call would make all the difference in the world. Just to say hi, how are you doing. I don’t get that. Trust me this not a poor me post but would like to make aware to these young kids that don’t think it matters if they call or visit their parents. It matters. And to someone with a mental disorder who has difficultly keeping composure it makes all the difference in the world. I don’t feel like they owe me anything. I want to know how my kids are doing, period.
My kids are fully aware that I have bipolar disorder but I’m not sure they know what that means. What it means to me is that my symptoms are getting worse the older I get and sometimes I wonder who is going to help care for me when I can’t do it alone. That scares the hell out of me. I have siblings that I can count on for somethings but they have their own families and issues to deal with as well.
There is a long list of effects that bipolar parents can have on their children.
- children becoming anxious
- children feeling angry at themselves and family members
- feelings of guilt, as if they somehow caused the mental illness
- disrupted family routines, leading to an overall sense of instability
- a sense of loss over the parent not being the same person they were
- before the illness
- shame related to their parent’s condition
- withdrawal from social interaction
- difficulty concentrating in school
- bullying in school due to the parent’s condition
- children not being taken care of properly because of the focus on one parent’s mental illness
- having to grow up too fast by taking care of the sick parentor siblings
- cries for help, such as acting out emotionally and rebelling against the family
A mother’s love is unconditional or at least it should be. People make mistakes and some forgive and some carry grudges. My kids have never hurt me to the point of no return but I don’t know where that point may be. I protect my heart because I am not going to live each day wishing I would hear from one of them. That would be wishing my life away.
So I move on, making my own agenda and live my life inspite of their lack of consideration for my feelings. Do they even know that I have feelings? I am a person not just their mother. And like their father, I will be gone one day too soon.
Love your children as best you can and leave them with golden memories in their hearts and mind. You only get one true chance to show them the world and all the love you have for them.
Parents with bipolar disorder need to take the proper steps into getting help, to avoid having negative effects on their children and family life. Steps that can be taken by parents with bipolar include finding a local support group, seeing a psychiatrist on a weekly basis, and taking medication if it is decided to be necessary.
The parent without the mental illness should also take steps to ensure that the children feel safe and secure in their home life. This includes providing consistent, reliable care even during times of the other parent’s illness, educating the children on bipolar disorder and helping them understand that it is not their fault. Being aware of possible effects of bipolar disorder on the children and watching out for early warning signs and cries for help and having the children see a family counsellor to help them better cope with the illness. Support groups also may be available to help family members of people with bipolar disorder. If a parent’s manic depression becomes hard to manage at home, it isimportant for them to seek in-patient care for the sake of the children.