I know that I am not alone with this problem. One important thing that I have learned lately is that it takes two. I am not the sole problem although some would like to think I am. Something I always ask myself is “what part did I play in it and can I help to fix it.” My answer is I played half a part. It takes two to tango and I mean it takes two to make or break a relationship. It seems as though lately I have been pissing people off. I certanly don’t do it on purpose but misunderstandings happen all the time. I usually am not aware of the situation because communication has already been broken down.

I will never use the fact that I have bipolar disorder but I will say it plays a major part in my relationships. I think things are going well but, to my surprise I have said or done something to piss someone off. And the worst part of it is most of the time when I try to confront a situation, the other party has written me off. No communication which is very immature on the other person’s part. I am always ready to try and rectify a situation that I really know nothing about. I dont’ know what I did wrong because the other party is not mature enough to confront. So I am left holding the garbage that they don’t want to deal with. We all have baggage and we all make mistakes. The problem in my case is that the other party can’t or won’t discuss what is really going on. And in that case I have nothing to work with.

I have to say again that bipolar doesn’t have a part but it does. I am not always equipped with the proper responses or have a clue how to manage the problem. I have learned recently that it is out of my hands. When someone you care about suddenly turns on you, you are at the mercy of forgiveness. Either that or keep the dissolution going till the relationship finally relationship finally ends. My preference is to try and resolve the matter. Not everyone is willing to do that. It takes forgiveness and some people don’t know how to forgive. They will carry that burden with them for as long as they want to feel like they are in charge when in fact they are only hurting themselves. Being mad at me does not hurt me at all. It hurts the person who for whatever reason does not know how to forgive. So they will carry that on, not hurting me, but themselves. Sometimes a person has to choose between two loved ones for whatever reason. And that reason is totally unfair to all parties involved. I have a situation where my son is choosing between me and his girlfriend who is pregnant with my first grand child. A baby girl coming in July. I said something hurtful about three months ago and the mother of my grandchild will not forgive me, forcing my son choose between me and his girlfriend. I am big girl with big girl panties but the mother of my future grandchild will not forgive me for something hurtful that I said and totally regret. In turn, I don’t see my son and am not any part of their lives although I gave them a place to live for over five months. Her two children and my son. I will never regret the time spent with them although at times it was difficult. Now I am nothing but a memory. She is having him make a choice between her and me. So immature. I love my son with all my heart. I can’t change anything. What is done is done. I know my son loves me and he is in a predicament. I fully support him and his family and I believe that at some point I will be a part of his life again and hope to be a part of my first grandchild’s life. Everybody loses.

Recently I have also pissed off my sister in law. I don’t know what I did but at this point it is irrrelevent. I lost a good friend. Some people only remember the bad things I’ve done and apparently cancells out any good that has ever come from being a part of my life and theirs.

I don’t look for sympathy, there is no benefit in that. I do believe in forgiveness and pray that things will work out to benefit all involved. She has untreated bipolar disorder and I take that into consideration and don’t blame her for the decisions she makes. She has to live with herself and family. I pray they all have a wonderful life and that one day soon it will include me.

Bipolar disorder is hard on relationships. The very symptoms – swinging moods, risky behaviors – often leave loved ones feeling confused, exhausted and like they’re walking on eggshells. She also sees loved ones have difficulty distinguishing between the illness and the person. I pray that my son will her for the rest of his life. She means everything to him. All I want is to be a part of that and hope for forgiveness.

Having bipolar is so difficult at times. Even with treatment we still fail. We fail ourselves and our loved ones, not intentionally. We don’t alway think clearly and get confused at times. We forget things. A lot of things and for us it is scary. Our illness can and usually does get worse with age. It’s not my job to make others understand what I go through, but I only hope that those who love me, would take the time to learn what I may be going through.

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