Would you ever go to the hardware store for bread? I doubt it but sometimes when we are looking for answers in life, we wind up at the hardware store. Many times when I was seeking an answer to a situation I didn’t know where to turn to. The key is to knowing, or at least have a good idea, what it is you’re looking for. Answers, advice, a friend maybe? Each person in our lives serves a purpose. We need to figure out what that purpose is. People are not mind readers either.

Confusion and disorganized thinking with bipolar disorder

I sometimes go in and our of confusion very easily. My thoughts freeze up and I have trouble remembering what it is that I am supposed to be doing. Trying to figure out how to make this stop mind boggling nonsense. At times, even the simplest tasks such as organization, is daunting. I find myself forgetting the simplest things likes remembering how to spell certain words that I used to know or vocabulay becomes

stunted. Dates and obligations becocme obscure and half I don’t even remember commiting to. My daughter may ask me to do something far in advance and when the time comes I don’t recall the conversation. Now when asked for favors or similar things I write it down. I have to write everything down it seems.

It seems to come and go but generally happens a few days a week. I can’t even remember what day it is sometimes. For me it’s frightening becasuse I have no recolection of previous days events. I am afraid to look into it deeper for fear I will have the beginnings of dementia. My doctor wanted me to be checked four years ago and I still put it off for fear. I always have random thoughts going on in my head. I need to pick one and stick to it. My life is not complicated by any means, it’s the bipolar brain that complicates everything I do. I am not a so called scatter brain, just someone who’s brain works overtime. It seems to come and go but happens on a fairly regular basis. Concentration usually only happens either when I am alone or have very few distractions. When I am put on the spot is when I get the brain freeze.

It’s no picnic living in my head. Usually when I am manic I have these issues mental multitasking. I am pretty good at it now as long as too much pressure isn’t put upon me. When I tell someone no and then get persuaded to do something I don’t want to do that just pushes me further away because at that point I don’t feel in control. I always like to be in control of my thoughts and feelings. I can think for myself without persuasive action. I am not a child and certainly will not be treated as one.

Bipolar disorder is a medical condition characterized by severe shifts in mood ranging from four different episodes, incuding mania, hypomania (a less severe form of mania), depression and mixed episodes, or a combonation of depression and mania. Bipolar disorder is much more complicated and grave than dealing with the ups and downs of everyday life. Although the cause is unknown, certain risk factors my include biochemistry changes in the brain, family history and environmental factors such as severe stress. Bipolar disorder requires lifelong treatment and maintenance, which may cause adverse long-term effects on the body.

I wonder how many other people have this problem. I have been learning how to put things in different compartments of my brain. I know that when I am sick I go to the doctor, when I’m lonely to call a friend, to take my medication as directed and to to never go to the hardware store for bread.

Advertisements