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I am almost always a human doing. I can’t sit still for long especially during a Bipolar manic phase. I don’t’ know how to just “be” most of the time. I either have a project I am working on or something I am planning to do. The doing part is exhausting. Especially during the day. Since I work out of my home, it makes it nearly impossible to sit still for very long. There is always something that needs tending to. Almost everyday is the same. I am a hard worker and take pride in what I do.
The symptoms of mania or manic episodes in bipolar disorder include:

an elevated, expansive, overly joyful, overly silly or irritable mood
a decreased need for sleep
racing thoughts
rapid speech
inflated self-esteem or “grandiosity”
excessive involvement in pleasurable but risky activities
increased physical or mental activity and energy
an increase in sexual ideation or interest
a decrease in the ability to concentrate and stay focused
I have a growing list of things to do. It’s when the “being” part comes in and I am susceptible to the depressive side, The just “being.” My thoughts choke me while strive to focus on one thing at a time which is virtually impossible for me. Sometimes I just want to “be” and find a comfort level I can live with. Although I can’t sit still long I can find that comfortable spot to just relax for awhile before my next feat. Although I have not had a depressive episode for months, I try to prepare myself.

One great asset I have are my family and friends. That’s when I need them the most. I don’t have to pretend I’m ok because I can talk about it without shame. I have come a long way to get to this good place in my life. It’s taken all my live so far to put this disease into perspective and deal with it one day at a time. That’s all any of us can do. And I remember upon waking to thank God every morning for this beautiful day. Even if it it’s raining. My flowers are growing and that is a beautiful gift from God.

Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:
Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty
Irritability
Inability to experience pleasure
Fatigue or loss of energy
Physical and mental sluggishness
Appetite or weight changes
Sleep problems
Concentration and memory problems
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Thoughts of death or suicide

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